Re: On Becoming Sunday, October 27, 2024

In the previous piece On Becoming, I mentioned the question of “How do I forgive myself for the things I do not become?” without answering the question. I believe the answer is this:

I may not.

I will not.

I must not.

My failure to become is a reflection of the incongruence between my current self and who I choose to become.

It is less so a matter of choice, and moreso a matter of moral imperative. Betraying who I want to be for what is easier a clear violation of Axiom I.5

Recalling the previous post, I had chosen to become someone with a strict regiment but eventually fell out of it. Had I kept following the planned routine, I think my time in graduate school (i.e., now) would be easier. Not in the sense that I would be smarter, but in the sense that my better handle on time would would have allotted me more freedom to do what I’d like (cf. Axiom I.3).

How will I achieve this?: habit. I must automate some aspects of my reality. I must automate the important tedium that is so engrained into our day and hence allott myself far more of my conscious effort for the less standardized parts of my day. In no particular order:

1. Strict morning routine.
   • Wake up at 5:30 AM.
   • Immediately leave bed.
   • Take medications and drink water.
   • Shower.
   • Oral care (brush teeth, mouthwash).
2. Reserve 6:00 AM to 9:00 AM and 2:00 PM to 5:00 PM for work.
3. Strict sleep routine.
   • Get ready for sleep starting at 9:00 PM.
   • Take medications.
   • Oral care (brush teeth, floss, mouthwash).
   • Be in bed, attempting to sleep by 10:00 PM.
4. Prepare lunch for tomorrow (for school).